Imperfect Desires Chapter 669 – A Breakdown

Back then, even in her muddled state of mind, Xiu’s brain had processed all the information. Even if she hadn’t slept in days, it was really not as unbearable for someone like her who suffered from serious insomnia all her life. It was just the mental torture that had gotten to her senses but she still had a stronger will and that allowed her to learn the earth-shattering truth of her own existence. 

It wasn’t like Xin Suyin believed Chen Hana’s words instantly. She wasn’t that naive. She did get a sample and did a DNA test again. But when she held the reports after a few hours in her hands, her face said it all. It was like someone pulled the ground right underneath her feet. Xiu’s brain had imprinted that look of horror on Xin Suyin’s face. 

But instead of pain, she felt like laughing. What a joke her life had become! 

Only after learning the truth, Xin Suyin had let Xiu go. But she didn’t dare look at Xiu, not like the latter wanted to see her either. In fact, this one truth was traumatic to Xin Suyin but it was something that allowed Xiu to feel liberated. She finally felt like her last attachment to this world ended right here. Now, there was nothing holding back. So, it was time to let go.

And that’s exactly what she did. 

Coming back to the present, Xiu’s face was looking blankly into a distance. She found it funny that as Chen Xiu, she was called an illegitimate daughter and as for Bai Xiu, she was still an illegitimate daughter. This fate really didn’t like playing nice with her. 

Darren’s hands that held hers were holding her so tightly that Xiu felt pain but she didn’t say it. She knew he was scared to learn about this side of the story that only the people involved knew about. If she could, she would never want to repeat it. She kept a fair distance from this specific memory because even the reminder of it brought her right where she lost everything. She didn’t want to start all over again. 

She could see tears brimming in his eyes but he was holding it back with all his willpower. “I thought you chose to give up because of all those scandals and rumors about you.”

“It hurt. Of course, every word that people said pierced right through my heart. I devoted my youth to please my fans and at the time when I needed them the most, they gave up on me. They gave up completely! So, I was really hurt but it wasn’t enough to break me. I was a foolish person back then, you should remember that I could be crying all day but could become the happiest as soon as someone offered a candy. Life was truly that simple to me back then.”

Darren couldn’t even refute her words. Chen Xiu was certainly the person who knew how to find something to hold on to. Even if there was the smallest hope, she won’t give up.

“From my investigation, I learned about… How your meds were changed.” He took a pause before adding, “It was Zhou Liqiu who changed your anti-depressants. And the meds they gave you had serious side-effects. So, we assumed that you…”

“That I actually lost my mind and that’s why I committed suicide?” He was quiet in reply while Xiu sighed loudly, “I won’t say that’s wrong. Because those meds really messed up my crumbling brain. Even at this moment, I am not certain that the memories I have are the real ones or just a part of my hallucinations.” Darren’s body stiffened. “After the kidnapping incident, the hallucinations got worse to the point that it was already beyond me.”

*Flashback*

When Chen Xiu came back to her condo, she was mentally, physically, and emotionally drained. Her body ached. The first thing she did after coming back was sleeping after taking her pills. But she kept tossing and turning in her sleep. She kept feeling like she was drowning repeatedly in her sleep. The nightmare was so realistic that when she woke up, she found herself in an even worse condition.

She crawled her way to the bathroom and tried to puke but there had been nothing in her stomach for days. All that came out was acid. Holding the side of the marble basin, she stood up and looked at her own reflection in the mirror. The girl before her eyes was completely unrecognizable. Huge eyebags, red eyes, blue bruises littered on the face. 

Instead of feeling pity for herself, she felt repulsed by herself.

“Oh, look! Goddess Xiu looks worse than a beggar now!”

“Aww… Poor her! Nobody wants her. Not even her own mother! Hahaha!”

“How does it feel to know that you’ve lived your whole life built on a lie?”

“Aiyo! It’s not just her life. She is herself become a lie. Or more like a joke!”

“Are you gonna cry now? Come on! Go ahead and cry all you want. No mommy is gonna come to wipe your tears. The fake one is busy partying over her victory and the real one? Hahaha! The real one is a masterpiece!”

Xiu covered her ears trying to block all these voices but nothing stopped. She could still hear the sneering, the mocking. Because the voices never came from around her. It was made up in her brain. Her own unconsciousness was tearing her apart!

Xiu slid down to the floor and sobbed hysterically. No, she wailed, loudly!

“What have I done? What have I ever done to deserve any of it? What have I done?!!! Answer me!! Why am I being punished?!”

But who was there to hear her screams? No one! 

Who was there to comfort her? No one!

Who was there just for her? No one! Not a single soul!

She was all alone! And she had to face this mental breakdown all on her own!

*To be Continued*